It’s Not Easy (Not) Being Seen…

Kimi Michelle
4 min readSep 28, 2021

Yesterday, I posted the following #divineword on my Instagram feed:

“Ego will tell you that you have to be seen. Growth will tell you that you’ve already been seen”.

The words came from a conversation that I had with my spiritual court during meditation last year. A quick rundown for the spiritual newbies: Your spiritual court consists of the angels, spiritual guides, and elevated ancestors who walk with you daily. Separate from a specific higher power, these elevated beings are not necessarily ones that you can see — but you know they walk with you.

More on your spiritual court in another article. Moving on.

Photo by S Migaj on Unsplash

So during meditation, my spiritual court will provide information for me on pressing matters in my life via downloads, and, in many cases, actually talking to me directly. During this particular meditation, I was thinking about past relationships. I was actively working on sorting through the traumas of these past relationships, working through which were actual things that stemmed from the relationship, which were things that I was triggered by, which were things that were actually done to me, etc. Called shadow work, I found myself digging deep into my past, sorting through what was real and what wasn’t, and letting the emotions bleed onto the pages of my journal.

Cathartic, definitely. Therapeutic, certainly.

During this particular meditation, my spiritual court wanted me to understand that one of the biggest underlying threads throughout these relationships was my desire to be seen…and how that desire to be seen led me back into spaces that I had no business returning to. Growing up, one of the things that I always thought about was being misunderstood; not being seen the way that I saw myself. I took that same internalized trauma, and I brought it into “relationship” after relationship. It was during this meditation that my guides helped me to center around the issue of being seen.

We all want to be seen. We want people to accept us as we see ourselves, to embrace the beauty that we are.

When we break up with people, when we end friendships, shoot, even when we leave jobs, we call ourselves wanting the other person/party to “see” what they missed out on, to understand that we are a good catch, dammit! In arguments, we want the other person not just to see the other side of things, we want them to agree with us.

We seek validation from the outside — instead of validating ourselves.

Photo by Orkun Azap on Unsplash

Our ego wants to be seen. It wants to be validated, and it will go to great lengths to assuage that need. As we grow, though, we begin to see the value in seeing ourselves, and that sight being all that matters. The ego, though…that ego is a powerful thing, a driving force in and of itself.

It will keep you at jobs (or keep you thinking about jobs you’ve left) thinking that “this place can’t run without me” out of a sense of needing to feel outwardly needed and valued. Meanwhile…they’ve replaced your role in a week. The job keeps going.

It will keep you in unbalanced friendships because you “know” that this person “isn’t going to make it without my help”. Mind you — they’d have figured it out, with or without you. But again, because of the need to feel outwardly valued…

Same thing in familial situations, where maybe you’ve been helping your family all along, the beleaguered familial matriarch or patriarch figure. You’ve become “stuck” because, who’s all going to do what I do here in this house?

And let’s not forget relationships. They’ve moved on, and you’re all like, “betcha he/she can’t do what I used to.” Or “what a downgrade”.

Bro. Sis. They’ve moved on. So should you.

It is easy to continue to go back to where you don’t belong because you want to be seen. Your ego will bring you to spaces that you’ve long since expired from, simply out of a need to be seen. Growth, however…growth can and will show you that you have been seen no matter what. Growth will teach you that the most important person to see you…is you. Growing comfortable in your own skin helps to remove the need for outside validation, because you begin to realize that no matter what, the person in the mirror is the most important person. Growth balances the ego, and allows for healthy, boundary promoting, interactions.

At the time my spiritual court told me that it was my ego that sought closure and that it was my ego that was looking to be seen, I only sort of understood the lesson. A year plus later, after having received “closure”, after opening new doors and closing a whole lot of old ones, I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter who “sees” me — because I see myself, fully. When you live your life with the desire to be “seen”…you take away your opportunity to move out of spaces that no longer serve you in your highest good. You keep yourself on a hamster wheel that you don’t even see…until you get off of it.

Ego will tell you that you have to be seen. Growth will tell you that you’ve already been seen.



Kimi Michelle

Change agent. Soca & rap junkie. BK Girl in Queens. Mom. Chef, Writer, & Psychic Medium. Chili oil obsessed. Trinidad & Barbados stand up.